An honest struggle with my weight

I've had this post in the back of my mind for a while now.
However, I've been avoiding it because I'm insecure and anxious.
I know people have wanted me to share and it's good for me to do so.
Please be kind as you read about my honest struggles with my weight.

This is me in college, my junior year I believe.
This is me 110 pounds.
This is me perfectly content with my weight, not having to worry about it at all.
This is the way I wish I looked now.
That's the truth even though I know it wouldn't be for the best.

I'm not 110 pounds, not even close.
Looking at this picture of myself I know I was tiny.
I know looking back through other pictures there were times where I was too thin,
times where I looked ill,
and moments where people questioned what I did with my food after I ate it.

I know in my head that being that thin wouldn't be good for me.
My heart however doesn't agree.
My heart longs to be thin,
to not have to worry about it every single day,
to not cry because my clothes don't fit.
My heart tells me that it rather look like a teenage girl than a woman.
I rather not have thighs, hips, or boobs.
My heart tells me that in order to be that way I should just stop eating.
I hate that I have these thoughts...
especially that last one because I know it could cause damage.
But I want to be honest here, it's good for me to be, and that thought, it is so ever present.

It's so hard struggling with this when I never had to before.
I think that's one of the biggest struggles when it comes to this.
I went from looking like a child, to pregnant, to having the body of a woman.
I'm not used to it and that makes it painful so often.

My weight is a daily battle.
I hate getting dressed in the morning because nothing fits the way I feel it should.
I see myself in the wrong light.
I look at myself and think I'm fat.
I look at myself and am disgusted.
It's not an easy battle and it takes work. A lot of work.
I do better some days than others.

I'm trying to eat better.
More veggies and fruit, less junk.
It's hard for me because I'm a huge emotional eater.
Kids screaming? Give me some oreos!
Stressed about the house? Give me some ice cream!
Upset about my weight? Chocolate please!
Seriously, it's bad and I know I need to work on it even more.
Like I said, some days are better.
The ItWorks wraps are also helping me feel better.
If you haven't heard of them, you should totally check them out!
They tighten, tone, and firm.
Here are my results so far!

Super hard for me to share these pictures, but the wraps have helped me a lot. 

I still have a ways to go, but every time I wear a wrap I feel a bit better. 

I usually wear one wrap over night (you can do it every 72 hours) and then chug water the next day.

I've noticed a huge difference and am so thankful for these wraps! 

They have definitely motivated me and I can't wait to get to the end result. 

I know this struggle isn't going to go away overnight.
It is a daily battle, but I can do better with that.

I can treat my body and myself better.

Have you tried the wraps? What do you think about them? 

Hope your Tuesday is great!

Nine Months

 

Hi Friends! 

I'm nine months old today and growing so quickly. 

No one can believe that in a few short months I will be one. 

That seems to make everyone so sad. I'm not sure I understand why. 

Lots of things have been happening in my life. 

Do you know I crawl now? Yep, I'm constantly on the move.

My parents thought it was never going to happen,

But really they just had to wait for me to decide it was time. 

I love crawling... so much easier to get what I want and it's just fun! 

Oh, I try to stand myself up too. So neat! 

You know what also is fun? 

Not napping. So fun to fight nap time. 

I usually only take one nap a day, but hey, I sleep through the night. 

You have to pick and chose your battles mom. 

Do you want more sleep at night or chill time during the day?
I mean, think about it mom. 

Oh, I also sleep with just my legs swaddled. 

I like to be free and to sleep on my belly.
Sometimes in my sleep I hear mama and dada talking about how cute I am.

Speaking of my parents I like to say their names. 

I say "dada" a lot and like to be with him more lately. 

Mom thinks I'm totally going to be a daddy's girl. 

I think she's okay with that. 

Hmmmm, what else is there to tell you? 

Oh, I eat some baby food, but I also get other good stuff too.

I really like puffs and yogurt bites.

Sometimes I steal mom's food though, like her bagel. 

I also had a hot dog the other day.
That's good stuff people! 

I also enjoy being outside. We hang out there a lot lately. 

It's been hot a lot, but I'm fine by that.

Just sit me on the grass and I'm happy as can be!
I like to eat it though but for some reason that isn't allowed.

I think that's it for now.  See you later!
Love,

Mavey

Our Story: Part 3

Part 1---> here
Part 2 ---> here

_____________________________________________________________________

The last our story post I left you with the story of our first "date",
which we said wasn't a date whatsoever.
I rushed off quickly from our first time together because my heart was scared.
As I left I recall thinking that was the end of that.
I didn't want to get close to a guy, I didn't want to be in a relationship.
Why would I let things continue?
Well, truthfully it didn't feel like my heart or James was giving me much of a choice.

James and I talked soon after that and hung out a ton.
Lots of times after he got off work,
he'd come over to my parents house and we'd hang out.
Often we went on walks around my neighborhood, just talking, for hours.
I shared a lot with him about my life and my heart.
Mostly I talked about college and how much of a struggle it was for me.
I confided in him that I was in a bad relationship in college
and how I was still a mess from it.
At times, even today, I think I shared too much of that, too quickly.
He listened well and was really understanding.

James was not hesitant at all to let me know that he wanted to date me.
He has never been the hesitant type at all, when it comes to us.
He's bold and he knows what he wants.
He isn't afraid to share that.
Truthfully, this scared me.
I'm sure when he told me this my eyes popped out of my head in fear!
I know the words, "You're crazy!" also popped out of my mouth!
I put up walls quickly with him.
I told him multiply times that I wasn't going to date him.
I told him we could only be friends.
I even told him I was going to move three hours away.
Still he was persistent. Still here was there listening and waiting.

One thing I always wanted to make sure of when it came to having a relationship,
was that the guy had a strong relationship with Christ.
Right away, even before we started talking he knew I was a Christian.
I made that obvious then and even after we started hanging out.
However, when we hung out that was a topic I tried to stay away from.
I would talk about Jesus,
but not too much because I felt like that was an intimate thing.
I didn't want to talk about Jesus or read the Bible with James because that,
in my eyes, meant we were getting too close.
That was exactly what I wanted to avoid.

I tried to avoid so much at this point in our relationship because I was still hurt.
I remember right before graduating from college,
telling a friend, I was done with guys.
There were none out there that could be trusted. They were all evil.
It makes me sad that I thought that because it's not true.
That's how hurt and broken I was though.

Even though I threw up wall after wall, James still wanted to be with me.
Even after I told him I was a mess and couldn't be his friend.
Even after I told him over and over I was never going to date him.
Even after I told him he was crazy.
Even after we kissed and I turned to him, looked into his eyes and said,
"You know we still can't be together, right?"

.....More next week!

Summer has arrived!

 

 

 

 

 

 I feel like Spring didn't even happen.

Winter left and summer arrived. 

It's a bit too hot for my liking, but the kids don't seem to mind.

We've been spending a lot more time outside and that makes everyone more happy!

I'm thankful that my babies love to be outside so much.

It makes me even more excited that soon we will have our own backyard! 

Happy Thursday! 

Words Matter

This song is one of my favorites right now.
The first time I heard it tears came to my eyes because it's completely true.
How often have I had words build me up or put me down?
How often have words encouraged and empowered me?
How often have words left me feeling hurt and broken?
How often have I spoken words that did the same?
Now, I know that all my readers aren't Christians.
By no means does every single person who reads my blog have to be a Christian.
I'm sharing this song not just because it speaks truth to me,
but it also made me think of the blogging world.

Words are a powerful thing.
It seems to me that people don't always get that concept.
People don't always seem to believe that there is so much power behind words.
I know there have been times where I've gotten mean comments thrown my way.
I remember the first time someone left a mean comment on my blog,
telling me I was fat, 4 months after I had my son.
I was horrified and thought about giving up blogging all together.
Silly, I know, but it hurt.
That's the thing, words can hurt so much more than anything else.
They can stick with us forever.

I don't know why people think it's okay to leave nasty comments.
Honestly, I believe that they probably had harsh words spoken to them.
They are hurt, they are broken. The list could go on and on.
Hurting people hurt people.
Broken people break people.
We've all done it, I'm positive of that.
All this to say, I'm sorry if you've gotten nasty comments on your blog.
I'm sorry if words hurt you so much that you feel crushed.
I truly am sorry because I know they can hurt you and stay with you,
even if you don't want them to.

Please people, think about your words before you put them out there.
Ask yourself if the words you are speaking are uplifting or damaging.
I know I need to do this in areas of my own life!

Happy Wednesday!

World Market Dark Chocolate Strawberry Scones + #CelebrateingDad

Hello wonderful readers. 

Father's Day is quickly approaching, which means family time is bound to happen. 

When it comes to my family we always gather and have lots of yummy food. 

So, today I want to share a recipe with you featuring World Market's strawberry scones. 

They are simply delicious and of course I wanted to make them even better by adding some dark chocolate because you can never go wrong adding chocolate. At least not in my family! ;) 

Don't they look delicious? 

It was a struggle to not eat the whole plate.

But of course I saved some for my husband! 

Ingredients

• 1 package of world market strawberry scone mix
• 1 bag of Nestle Dark Chocolate Morsels
• 1 jar of World Market Dark Chocolate Spread

 Instructions

1. Make scone mix as directed on package.
2. Add dark chocolate morsels to the mix. 
3. Bake as directed and let cool.
4. Coat one end of the scone in the dark chocolate sauce.
5. Enjoy! 

Isn't your mouth just watering?
The chocolate sauce reminds me of frosting on a cupcake.

These of course are a little bit healthier. At least that's what I'm telling myself! 

Of course, for me, it's okay to indulge a bit when celebrating the people I love!

World Market not only has great foods, but also amazing items for your home and plenty of gift ideas for anyone and everyone in your life! They also have a great giveaway going on in honor of Father's Day!

From now until June 7th you can enter to win one of four grand prize package. Wouldn't a $1,000 World Market Gift Card for you and dad just be wonderful? I sure think so! So make sure to enter the World Market Celebrating Dad Giveaway and head to World Market to pick out a special treat for the dad in your life!

Love World Market as much as I do? Then make sure to stay connected with them!
Web. Twitter. Facebook. Pinterest.

I'm a part of the World Market Trendsetter Tribe and while I was compensated in exchange for this recipe and post, all opinions and thoughts are my own.

Out of control toddler

i love this boy with my whole heart.
he was my first baby, the one who made me a mama.
he's special in that way. lately though he's been driving me a bit bonkers.
his listening skills are in need of some major work.
he simply doesn't listen to me. whatsoever.
when i speak to him he pretends he doesn't hear me.
sometimes goes as far to put his hands over his ears.
he runs away. he throws himself on the floor. he screams and throws things.
he hits and kicks his sister.
he feels so out of control and i'm at a loss of what to do about it.

i try everything.
i talk calmly. i put in him in time out. i swat his bottom.
i try to redirect him. on and on the list goes, but nothing works when mom does it.
with dad it's a whole different story.
i feel like a big fat failure when it comes to this boy. 
he feels out of control to me and i pray this is just a phase.
i pray that we can figure this out because he feels out of control, but so do i.

i hate feeling out of control.
i hate feeling frustrated and angry.
i hate how i act during these times and i'm sure no one else likes it either.

motherhood is hard. can i get an amen?