I had an appointment and then went and sat in Starbucks for a few.
Being completely honest here, I didn't want to go home to my children right away.
I've been feeling burnt out and not myself lately.
But, I went home because that's where I am suppose to be, because I do love them.
I got home. Did a few things and then got on facebook.
When I did I saw a friend had posted a link about a shooting at an elementary school.
My heart sunk and as I read more, my heart broke and tears instantly flooded my eyes.
Even as I write these words I'm trying not to cry because I cannot imagine the horror.
Honestly, I don't want to imagine it, I want to turn away from it, I want to ignore it,
But I don't... because they need prayer and I can't ignore what needs prayer.
That day started out with me wanting a break from my everyday life of just being home and taking care of my babies, but it changed as the day went on.
I thought of those parents, whose days, started out so differently.
They started out having their babies and by the end, they didn't.
How horrifying, how tragic.... words cannot begin to describe how horrible this is.
I think about the parent, who that morning, was frustrated with their child because they couldn't find their shoe AGAIN. Maybe they snapped and yelled at their child. I think about how they are probably feeling extremely bad and thinking, "I don't care about your shoe, I don't care about your shoe! I JUST WANT YOU BACK!"
I think about the parent who was probably tired of hearing their child talk about the ONE THING they really wanted for Christmas over and over again and how they wish they hadn't been so bothered by it and how, now, they are unable to give that to them.
I think about the parent who was looking forward to taking their child to see Christmas lights or bake Christmas cookies. They can't do those little things with their child anymore.
I think about the parent who hugged their child that morning and said, "I love you." and how they don't get to do that anymore.
AND IT BREAKS MY HEART. IT MAKES ME SOB.
IT MAKES ME ANGRY. IT MAKES ME ASK GOD, WHY, GOD, WHY?
It's not fair or right and I don't understand it.
I never will.
So, what do I do? What do we all do when something so tragic happens?
We cry for all those parents, for all those precious babies.
We hold our babies tighter and we try to be better parents, better husbands and wives.
We stop taking things for granted.
We try to do something, anything to make it less painful, hoping its possible.
And we pray... we pray a whole lot because God is the only one that can wrap His arms around those parents and make them feel better.
May God be with you and carry you through this.