K plus J equals love

Worry

2012-02-27T11:58:00.002-08:00

I'm a worrier. I always have been, but most of my life the things I've worried about have been me focused. I worried about my heart when it was broken and if the tears would ever stop, if I'd ever feel whole again. I worried about friendships and whether I was being the friend I should be. I worried about college and what I'd do afterwards. Not that I didn't worry about other people... I have, to the point where its made me sick, but mostly I was focused on my life and how I was feeling about whatever was going on. But that changed. You know when? When I became a mother... when I had my son growing inside of me...that is when the worry shifted from me to him.

The worry is still there. I'm sure that it will be there for a long time because I'll always be a mother and isn't that what comes along with motherhood? Watching your child at the park worrying that he's going to fall and hurt himself, worry that he isn't eating enough, worrying that the diaper rash will never go away, sleepless nights just worrying. Soon enough I'll have two little ones to worry about, but my worry right now is focused on my son.

When this little one comes into the world, what about him?

I love him so much. How could I love another as much? Will I have enough to give?

I know its silly because of course, the answer is, there is enough love. I will have enough.

I'm worrying just like every other mama who is expecting there second baby.

That gives me comfort, but still I wonder...

Will I get to hold him just as much?

Will there be time to play with him and enjoy him?

Will I take the time to look at him and still see the joy?

Or will I just have to focus on the new baby?

Because I want that and I look forward to it.

I'm so excited for the baby...so so excited.

Yet, I want to still experience my son as much as I am now.

I know its just worry... that things will be different, but still good.

I know that I need to trust God.

He's given me Braden to love and He's giving me this one to love as well.

It will all be okay simply because of that.

God is in this.

God, thank You for giving me my family and these babies.They are wonderful.

I know You know the future and all that it will be, so please let me find peace in that.

Amen.

A game he plays

2012-02-24T11:47:00.000-08:00

I love watching Braden grow and see his personality emerge.

I love to see what he enjoys and there is a game he plays that just makes me giggle and scream with delight.

He puts his hands over his eyes and waits for you to say, "Where's Braden? Where's Braden?" And then he pulls his hands away as to say, "Here I am!" He'll do it again and again so happy until he moves onto something else.

I love to see him so happy and enjoying playing with mom and dad.

He's such a joy.

The zoo

2012-02-23T15:11:00.000-08:00

The day started off sunny and beautiful!

We took advantage of it by going to the zoo with some friends.

A good time was had by all.

Looking forward to going again!

What I Wore

2012-02-22T06:39:00.000-08:00

Earrings and necklace: Gift.

Scarf: Rue21.

Jacket and boots: Rockstar and Rogers.

Blue tank: Target.

Pink Tank and jeans: Old Navy.

13 weeks pregnant, which I am so thankful for! So glad this is my last week of the first trimester - praying and hoping I feel better soon! But as long as baby is healthy all is good!

What life is and isn't about

2012-02-21T11:01:00.000-08:00

Sometimes social networking gets to me.

It really sucks me in and I spend far too much time on blogger, twitter, facebook, and pinterest.

I am thankful for these sites because they do keep me connected with friends or the blogging world, but other times they can bring me down.

This is especially true about blogging. To me blogging was never really about posting everyday, how many followers I was going to acquire, or about who I'd become friends with in the blogging community. Yet, it has easily become that and I am not happy about that.

I don't need to post everyday, but when my heart wants to write or share.

I don't need to have a ton of followers because that isn't why I started blogging. I write for me.

I don't need to be friends with so and so. I am thankful for the friends I have met and would love to meet more people, but these things... that's not what life is about.

I won't be defined though social networking. My blog or twitter or whatever isn't who I am.
Yes, I share pieces of myself in those places, but what defines me is God.

God knows my heart...He is who its important to share all things with.

I may not have a ton of blog followers or friends via the net, but God loves me.

That is what defines me. That is what life is about.

Life is also about being a good wife and mother. Its about loving people and growing.

I don't ever want to lose sight of those things.

Coffee Date

2012-02-15T07:26:00.000-08:00

I like coffee, so a coffee date between you and I sounds perfect.

A iced white mocha just sounds so good.

If we met for coffee I'd try my hardest to be open and real even though I've discovered its one of the hardest things for me.

I'd tell you that life hurts a lot lately and I'm not 100% sure as to why.

I'd tell you that I'm going to counseling in hopes to figure it out and feel better.

I'd tell you that I've been crying a lot lately and I hate it, but I know sometimes its just what I need.

I'd tell you that trust is hard and I can count on one hand the people that I really, truly trust.

I'd tell you that sometimes things feel hopeless, but I know thats a lie. Things aren't hopeless because I have a God who loves me.

I'd tell you that my relationship with God is a daily struggle, but that I'm trying to find my way back.

I'm reading through the Psalms and they speak to me. Its so good when His word speaks to your heart.

I'd tell you that I'm in my 12th week of pregnancy and I'm so ready for the second trimester. More energy please and maybe less of my emotions all over the place.

I'd tell you that sometimes I don't know how to handle my toddler, that sometimes his screaming and fit throwing gets to me and I have no clue what to do about it.

I'd tell you that I love my husband so much, but I'm not always good at showing it.

I'd tell you that I try to put on a mask of perfection, but thats all it really is. A mask... and I'm trying to do away with it here on the blog and everywhere else, but its hard. I don't always like people to see the mess.

I'd tell you that I appreciate you, all of you.

Scarf and cardi: Forever21.
Earrings: target.
Shirt: Kohls.
Jeans: Old Navy.
Boots: Zappos.

From my valentine

2012-02-14T08:30:00.000-08:00

What I woke up to. So sweet. Thank you, my husband!

I love you so much... I know I'm not always good at showing it, but its always there.

A recipe: my grandma's chili

2012-02-13T10:12:00.000-08:00

I actually thought about not posting this simply because the pictures didn't turn out the best.

However, I don't want to be the type of blogger who doesn't post because things aren't perfect...thats just how life is sometimes. I'll try to work on my photography skills when it comes to food. Who knew that food would be the hardest thing to photograph?!?

My grandma's chili is my favorite. I could probably eat it every single day.

Its just so good and so warm plus a bit different considering there are noodles.

What you'll need:

1- 1 1/2 pound of hamburger

3 cans of tomato soup

1 can stewed tomatoes

6 cans of water

1 chili seasoning packet

1 can of kidney beans

Onions

A bag of noodles

What to do:

Brown the hamburger and onions. Drain.

Add the rest of the ingredients (except the noodles) and simmer for about 20-30 minutes.

Cook the noodles and add them in.

Enjoy and let me know what you think! =)

What I love about one

2012-02-10T13:57:00.000-08:00

Having a newborn is a great experience... one I am looking forward to experiencing again months from now. I do, however, really enjoy having a one year old! Its such a fun age.

I love how Braden is able to feed himself, how he is pretty much willing to eat anything.

Let me tell me, the boy LOVES to eat and drink juice.

He knows that when we go through the line at starbucks he will get a juice box and he gets so excited.

I love how in the morning when I go to get him out of his crib, he stands up and reaches for me. Then, he puts his head on my shoulder.

I love how happy he can be. Laughing and smiling constantly.

I love how he plays. Always reaching for new things.

I love how he is my little go-er. He constantly wants to walk... he's happy with just walking in a store.

He's so fast and whew, it can wear a person out!

I love how he talks. I look forward to hearing more from him. Especially the word, "mama" if he ever decides to say it! ;)

I love how at this point he'll still let me hold him and how there are those moments where he just wants his daddy.

I love how he wants his daddy... love hearing them talk and play. Its my favorite thing and could just make me cry because its so amazing.

I love the faces that he makes and how he gets them from me.

I love how being outside is his favorite thing. He just wants to be outside... to walk, to run around, to play with his ball, to feel the grass in his hands.

I love how he has to have his big white bear with him at night. How he'll sit up and play with it.
How he'll grab it, bite its nose, and cuddle with it. So cute.

I love how he's becoming his own little person. I love to see his personality and wonder who he will grow to be.

I love so much.

Organization

2012-02-09T06:47:00.000-08:00

It's time to link up with Gussy Sews for some inspiration.
This months prompt is ORGANIZATION and let me tell you I need some inspiration in this area.

I want to be an organized person. I want the apartment not to be such a mess. I want things to have there place. But so far I'm not that type of person. I'm going to work on it!

The following are organization tips I love.

How cute are these? They'd be perfect in an entry way for mail or above a desk to use as an inspiration board. I always have letters or cards from loved ones that I like to keep. Also, tons of photos!

Speaking of photos. Mine are a mess. I have over 5,000 on my computer and that doesn't include the thousands I've deleted. I'm not very good at keeping them organized and it definitely slows the computer down. This would be a great way to get certain ones off the computer and keep them organized. I really do need to do this!

I've never been good at keeping a planner/calendar. I tell myself to because I'm so forgetful.

I always tend to forget about appointments until the day before. Thank goodness doctors and such call to remind me! ;) I also have lots of ideas flowing around in my head when it comes what to blog about. This would be a perfect way to remember those ideas. Plus its free and printable. I may be doing this soon!

There are certain things in this house that are a mess. Drawers in the bathroom are one of those things.

I never would have thought to take silverware tray and turn into something to organize my make up!

The closet...okay, lets be real, anywhere my clothes are (the bathroom, bedroom, closet...) gets to be a disaster really fast. I'd love for my closet to look like this. Just nice.

::all photos via Pinterest::

I have a lot of work to do.

What's your favorite organize tip?

Tell me. Encourage me.

Happy Thursday

What I Wore

2012-02-08T07:35:00.000-08:00

Headband: Gift.

Earrings: Target.
Tank and jeans: Old Navy.

Top: Jc Penny.

Shoes and sunglasses: Kohls.

I'm in my 11th week of pregnancy and this outfit is definitely hiding the baby bump.

The truth is as happy as I am about having a second little one I'm not so happy about my body.

Clearly, when you're pregnant you're going to grow. You're suppose to! But after a year of struggling with my weight after having baby #1, this is just tough for me.

I don't want to focus on that... I want to focus on the growing baby and all it will entail.

So I'm trying my hardest to eat healthy, be healthy...and find joy in this growing little one!

Reading through the Psalms

2012-02-07T16:28:00.000-08:00

I don't feel good lately. I don't mean physically... the morning sickness has pretty much subsided (Thank You, God!), but what I mean is emotionally and spiritually. I was driving in the car earlier, which is where a lot of things seem to hit me. I was thinking about how lately I've been in a horrible mood... I've been mean, angry, depressed, and just plain tired. Some of it comes with being pregnant and the hormones, but I know its more than that.

Things in my past are bothering me. Things in life are bothering me. And I'm not very good at talking about things... I'm way better at shutting down, which is what I've done lately when it comes to conflict or about whats going on in my head and heart. I keep a lot of it in. I know thats not healthy. I know I need to work on those things. Sometimes I just need an attitude adjustment. Other times I need more than that. Other times I need to scream, cry, vent, pray, write. I've been feeling so fake lately, so much like a fraud and I hate those feelings, but I think it comes from not talking about things, from pretending things are okay when they aren't. I long for close girlfriends to talk to...really talk to. I have close girlfriends, but I don't because of fear. More than anything though I know I need God. That's what hit me the most in the car. I recently read something that said something like if ones Bible is falling apart, then their life probably isn't. Well, my Bible isn't falling apart, but my life sure feels that way at times. At least emotionally. So, I told myself that I was going to change that... that I am going to read the Bible. That should be a given, I know, but I haven't been. Its been a long time. So, I promised myself that I'm going to read through the Psalms. Even if its just one a day. Maybe it will adjust my attitude and help me feel better. I sure hope so.

What scripture lifts you up when you're down?
I'd love to know.

Meal planning and shrimp dip

2012-02-06T10:00:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time I really enjoyed cooking, but over the past year or so I really haven't done much of it for multiple reasons, but having meals at home, together is important to me. I want to get back into the groove of cooking and also am hoping that by making more meals at home (and not eating out so much) will help us financially. So meal planning it is! I'm not the best at planning out meals... it takes a lot of time (especially when just starting out) and then theres the grocery shopping. Last night was the first night we went to the store with an actual hand written list... it took forever in the store and our grocery budget just didn't happen. It will get better though! As a friend reminded me, it takes time and practice! We can do this! In order to hold myself accountable I'm blogging about it and thought every once in a while I'd share a recipe. Today, I'm sharing my favorite dip! Shrimp dip!

This dip is a family favorite. We usually have it at holiday get togethers or just when we get together for whatever. Considering I'm pregnant and have cravings, I decided to make it last night!

A few things: These are just the brands we used. You can use whatever brand you want. Also, normally I'd get canned shrimp, but had a bad experience with it once so went with this gigantic package which is in the freezer for the other times I'm craving it. I don't really have the measurements for this recipe...so you can make a tray as big or small as you want!

Directions:

Make sure your cream cheese is soft. We'd just gotten home from the grocery store, so ours had been out a while. Spread a pretty thick layer of cream cheese on your pan.

Spread a layer of cocktail sauce over the cream cheese.

Drain your shrimp (if its from a can) or do as the directions say with whatever type you got. With ours we had to de-thaw it by running it under cold water for five minutes. Put a layer of it on top of the cocktail sauce.

You're done!

Dig in! =) If you make it...let me know what you think!

Things on my mind

2012-02-01T12:32:00.000-08:00

There's been a lot on my mind lately and I wish I had a place to put them.

So, here are some of my thoughts, that maybe I'd expand on if I were more vulnerable.

Speaking of being vulnerable... its so hard. I need to be more open, I need to be more trusting.

Why is it so difficult for me? Why do I shudder at the thought? Why am I so fearful?

I have the cutest little boy in the entire world. And I cannot believe this baby bump. Or the fact that I'm going to have two to love and care for. Kinda freaks me out.

The past is haunting and I wonder when it won't be, if it ever won't be.

There's so much I want to write about, blog about... but I'm fearful of doing so. I didn't used to be so fearful of expressing myself in words, but I am now and I hate that.

This weather is absolutely beautiful. In the 60's in February. Crazy!

Why hasn't Braden said "Mama" yet? Will he ever or will he just call us both "dada" forever?

I feel like the laziest pregnant person. I really should fold that mountain of laundry, but I don't want to.

I don't play with my son enough. I know I don't. I have so much to work on as a mama and I wonder will I ever feel like I really know what I'm doing?

Worry about friends, family, money... so much in life to worry about. I know I need to trust God will it all. Help me to trust You more God.

I'm emotionally a mess. That's how I've felt lately...anyway.

I don't want to go to church. I'm admitting that to myself (and to you) because I'm afraid that everyone sees what I've done wrong, all my mistakes. I know thats wrong, but I feel that in my heart.

I have a lot to work on in my relationship with God and I should do that NOW. I want Him to be the biggest part of my life... the biggest part of my family, but if I don't work on it now, it won't ever be and that would tragic.

I need to drink more water.

I love my husband and my son so much... I don't know what I'd do without them.

My husband is so supportive and loving. I'm so thankful for that. I don't tell him that enough.

I miss my close girlfriends.

Life is good. There are so many blessings and I need to focus more on those.

Just a bit of my mind. What's on yours?

Things I enjoy

2012-01-30T08:25:00.000-08:00

A new do.

Love the red in my hair.

This boy and his cuteness.

He sat on the couch for a good twenty minutes eating his raisins.

New sunglasses.

Panda express.

Watching him devour a eggroll was cracking me up.

A Denzel Washington Movie.

He's my favorite actor.

Mint brownie ice cream, pjs, and my baby bump.

Goals for a healthy pregnancy (input wanted)

2012-01-26T08:44:00.000-08:00

I want this pregnancy to be different than my last. Not that my last was bad...it wasn't, but I know this one can be healthier. When I was pregnant with Braden I really ate whatever I craved and because of that I put on more weight than I should have. I think that happens a lot during first pregnancies because you just don't know much. Its so much easier to put it on than get it off. I know that weight gain shouldn't be the only reason for my goals, but being honest here, that does scare me. I was never one to struggle with my weight until after having my sweet boy. There's more to it though. I know it will not only benefit me, but it will benefit the little one growing inside me as well.

So, lets talk about some goals:

I will eat well this pregnancy. This is hard simply because of cravings. I'm super bad at self control, but I am trying and I desperately want to succeed. At this point in my pregnancy its been hard to eat much of anything because the morning sickness has been hard, but I'm striving to eat more fruit and veggies, which I do love, so that's not really much of an issue. Truthfully, I'm unsure of what to eat, especially when it comes to lunch and dinner. I snack well, but other than that its a struggle. I think I may start a food diary... will help me keep track of what I'm feeding my baby!

Drink more water. I've never been a fan of water, but I know I need it. My first pregnancy I drank coke and my doctor told me that it probably didn't help with the weight gain. So no more coke! I usually have one caffeinated drink a day - a coffee, but other than that I need to fill myself with milk, juice, but mostly water! 8+ glasses a day!

Exercise. Gosh, even that word hurts to type. Working out has never been something I've loved, but that is going to change! I am determined! For my birthday my husband got me a twister stepper, which is a huge motivation. Its sort of like a smaller vision of an elliptical, which I actually like. When the weather is nicer I know as a family we'll do more - going on walks and bike rides. That also motivates me because we'll be doing it as a family.

Rest. Being pregnant the second time around is so much more tiring than I thought it would be! I've been pretty good at resting when the toddler does and I'm definitely going to make it a priority because a cranky, tired mama isn't good for anyone! ;)

So, tell me, lovely readers what other goals should I have?
What did you do in order to have a healthy pregnancy?

And whats your favorite healthy thing to eat while pregnant?

Any thoughts and encouragement welcome!

Lasts

2012-01-25T12:24:00.000-08:00

A few nights ago completely unaware of it, I nursed this one for the last time.

I expected it to take much longer than a few months to wean him and I expected him to struggle with it.

But he hasn't, not really. We give him some milk or water before he goes down and he's perfectly fine.

For me, though, its been a strange thing. Its strange having stopped because nursing him has been something I've done since he was born...everyday, so to not be, is a bit sad.

He no longer needs me in that way and that breaks my mama heart a bit. As mama's I think we think about firsts a lot... we remember those the moment.

The first time...

I saw him.

He held his head up.

He crawled.

He ate solids.

He walked.

He said dada.

The lists of firsts go on and on, but lasts are important too.

As much as it may break my heart, my little boy growing up, and doing things for a last time, it is a good thing because it means he is growing and developing.

So grow baby grow!

Learning about the second bump

2012-01-23T09:52:00.000-08:00

I'm learning somethings this pregnancy.

I'm learning that every pregnancy is different (I already knew this, really, but its being confirmed).

I'm learning that ...

The second time around the your bump appears faster. I totally didn't expect to look 5 months pregnant at 9 weeks. I'm trying to be okay with that.

Morning sickness can last all day, everyday.

Ones bladder is way weaker the second time. I can only imagine how often I'm going to have to go to the bathroom as this baby grows.

Being pregnant when you have a toddler is exhausting. Props to the moms who have more than 1 and are pregnant. Not sure how you do it. You must be super mom!

And finally I'm learning that its just as exciting the second time around is just as exciting as the first!

I can't believe I'm going to be a mom of two!

Two whole babies that are mine to love and squeeze.

God is so good to me.

Remembering his birth

2012-01-22T12:20:00.000-08:00

The other morning I woke up at 5:30 and couldn't fall back to sleep.

I started thinking about the little one growing in me and how this pregnancy was going to go.

Considering I've been pregnant before I started thinking about that pregnancy and started remembering birthing Braden.

Two nights before Braden was born we'd made our way to the hospital thinking it was time.

I was so unaware of what contractions were. I thought I was having them, but they weren't really painful. They checked to see how far dilated I was, but it wasn't much, so they sent us home. I cried that night, but not because I wanted to be done being pregnant (which by that point I was tired of feeling so huge), but because I just wanted to meet him. My heart wanted my little boy.

The next day I had an appointment with my doctor and because his due date had come and passed we made the decision for me to be induced by the end of the week. I was happy for that because I knew he'd be here by then. I'd get to see my baby. But God and my baby had other plans. That night we made our back to the hospital and I was admitted because of how far dilated I was.

Nothing happened all night long... I laid in the hospital waiting until the morning when they decided to induce me if things didn't get moving along. 7 am came with me getting an hour of sleep because I was just so excited and so nervous! They induced me and for the longest time I felt nothing. I was having contractions, but they weren't strong. My doctor had to break my water and soon enough the contractions started. For a while, I fought my way through them... looking to my husband for comfort, breathing, and praying. Then, I got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. They hurt so bad and breathing wasn't happening. I could only clench my jaw and squeeze my husband's hand.

I finally asked for the epidural. They sat me up and the worst of it hit me. My whole body tensed and shook. I started dry heaving and wondered how in the world I was going to stay still enough for them to actually give me the epideral. But I did it and there was relief. I laid back down and fell asleep. I was so out of it...partly from not getting any sleep and also because of the medicine. I slept for a while, but then all of a sudden pain down my left side... somehow the epideral had worn off just on that side. It hurt so bad and I asked my husband to help, please help. They gave me another dose, but it didn't do anything. We waited a bit longer... the doctor always checking on me to see how I was coming along. Braden wasn't moving though. His chin was facing my back and he was stuck even though the contractions were strong enough to be pushing him down. At that point we decided it was time for a c-section.

I'd gone into the hospital thinking I'd have a natural birth, thinking I surely wouldn't have a c-section, but things changed. As they wheeled me into the operating room to perform my c-section I felt another wave of unbelievable pain and sickness. My doctor told me I had to stay still, but I couldn't. I dry heaved about 6 times, water coming up, but finally forced myself to stop. I had to stop...my baby was almost here. The doctor gave me medicine for the c-section and within matters of seconds my whole body was numb. I remember thinking to myself, "This is what normal feels like. I feel so much better." I laid there, waiting, and then I heard his little cry. I'd never heard something so beautiful. A tear slide down my chin and then I saw him and he was the most beautiful thing ever and I loved him so much.

I fell in love with my husband all over again during this time because he was so much help. Just what I needed. And the love I felt for my son was more than I ever could have imagined.

I know that this pregnancy will be different as will giving birth to this baby because its just going to be a straight c-section, but I look forward to it just as much!

Prayers for you

2012-01-20T11:33:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I wrote about being pregnant with our second baby, but I've been thinking about what I'd write since the beginning. Lately I've read many posts about other bloggers losing babies and I recently read this post on waiting to get pregnant and this post on mama's who are hurting because of losing their babies. Those posts touched my heart and stuck with me. They caused my heart to ache.

Even as I write this I'm struggling not to cry for those women.

For those women who so badly want a baby of their own.

For those women who have lost babies.

Oh, it hurts my heart. I don't understand it. I can't wrap my head or heart around it.

But I do think about you and I do pray for you.

That's all I can do really.

For those waiting:
I pray that you will feel God's arms tightly wrapped around you, loving you.
I pray that you know He knows your desire, He knows your heart.

For those who have lost:
I pray for comfort and hope. I pray that you know God's love for you and your baby.
I pray you feel God close to you because He is. He knows your desire too.

Number Two

2012-01-19T18:32:00.000-08:00

As in there's a baby in there. We found out on December 23rd *hence the picture* and I was completely surprised. I took the pregnancy test just because I was feeling super tired and not myself. I walked out of the bathroom with a huge smile on my face and a heart surprised. Husband was surprised to, but we are both very happy.

We were going to wait until I hit the 3 month mark to tell everybody, but then after taking this picture, we just couldn't! Braden of course has no idea whats going on, but we are very much excited that he is going to be a big brother and see how that will go.

I haven't been great. Horrible morning sickness that lasts all day. It wasn't this bad last time, but like the doctor said at my first appointment today morning sickness is a good thing. I'm 8 weeks and 3 days. The due date is August 27th, but I'll have a c-section the week before. I haven't been around the blogging world much simply because I haven't been feeling up to. I haven't really been feeling up to anything lately... just sitting on the couch, sleeping, and trying to figure out what I can eat that will actually stay down. So far its been carrots *pretty sure I've gone through like 5 bags*, broccoli, rice krispies, and last night I actually ate taco johns. My belly was happy about that.

I hope that I'll be around more, but I can't promise it. Hopefully I get over the morning sickness soon, but if not that's okay. Babies healthy, so mommy and daddy are happy.

Motherhood isn't always great

2012-01-18T12:37:00.000-08:00

I just read this post on mothering. In a nutshell its pretty much about how every moment in motherhood isn't great. I love being a stay-at-home mama. I can't imagine myself doing anything else, but oh boy, I could totally relate to it. Sometimes its not great. Sometimes its super hard and frustrating.

Sometimes there are tantrums that involve my son throwing himself on the ground, flailing his arms all over the place, and so much screaming. Sometimes theres just screaming.

There are moments when no matter how many times I say no, he thinks yes.

Messes are never ending and nap time is a battle every single day.

Counting down to bed time happens often and I'm pretty much always tired.

But there are moments where none of that matters, amazing moments where all those crazy moments are forgotten.

Moments where he is so happy.

Moments where is smiling and trying to talk to me.

Moments where he is my cuddly baby.

Moments where he makes me laugh and smile.

Motherhood (parenthood really) is the hardest job ever, but its completely worth it.

It's the little things: new clothes, a ball bit, and laffy taffy.

2012-01-13T07:59:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've linked up with Lindsay over at Aisle to Aloha, but its one of my favorite link ups because it reminds me to look for the small things that make life good.

This week they've been...

New clothes. My mom bought me the olive and cream stripped blazer. I fell in love the moment I saw it.

I got the colorful shirt and scarf from platos closet (have you ever been there? If not, go!) from my mother in law. That scarf was $4. Seriously, where else can you score an awesome scarf for so cheap?

Love these both. They we're early birthday gifts too. So that's nice.

Being able to finally set up Braden's ball pit. We got it for him as a Christmas gift, but waited to set it up until we moved. I'm pretty sure I was more excited about it than him. He doesn't seem to care about the actual ball pit itself, but those plastic balls are everywhere...including the bath tub. Loves those.

Laffy taffy! The other day I wanted some, but the gas station I went to only had banana. Yuck!

Husband surprised me by bringing this home to me. I ate like 3 sticks right away.

=)

What little things have cheered up your week?

Glasses

2012-01-11T13:11:00.000-08:00

I think I'm back from my longer than I expected blogging break.

We shall see. I feel like I should write about our new place, but its still in progress, so soon.

I'll tell you a story though, instead. It involves these glasses.

I got glasses when I was in second grade, but the thing is I didn't need them.

I just wanted them, so I pretended I needed the (silly second grader) and because of that my eyes got messed up and I actually do need them.

I really am not happy about that...now anyways. At first I thought it was cool. Now, I hate them.

I've been trying to get used to them though. I've been wearing them for about a month because my eyes we're in desperate need of a break from my contacts.

There, now you know a little more about me. Just wanted to you wanted today, huh?

;)

Unmotivated

2012-01-09T10:06:00.000-08:00

We've officially been in our new place for over a week. I love it.

Ever since the move I've been so unmotivated.

Maybe its that I've been sick or that the toddlers been sick.

Maybe its just because I'm tired or because theres so much to still organize.

I just don't feel like it. I don't feel much like blogging either.

I want to feel like it though.

Just thought I'd stop by and say hi.

I'll be back. Sometime.

We're Moving

2011-12-27T12:33:00.000-08:00

In 4 days to be exact.

We're so happy about it, but theres still a lot to do.

So if I'm not around the blogging world for a bit, that is why.

Christmas Day

2011-12-26T10:53:00.000-08:00

We celebrated Christmas with James' family on Christmas Eve and then Christmas Day with my side.

Here's what it entailed:

1. Just the three of us at the park. It was around 50 degrees out. CRAZY!

2. Opening presents at my grandma's.

3. Sitting on mama's lap waiting. Apparently he's bored or thinks someone's nuts (totally a possibility).

4. His new favorite toy. A ball that lights up and jumps around.

5. A new Christmas ornament. Airplanes, of course.

6. Homemade pizza. That's our tradition for Christmas dinner! SO good!
7. Our annual family picture by the tree.

8. A very tired boy in grandma's arms. He never sleeps like this anymore!

9. Oh, wait...I'm awake because Daddy's going to read me a story!

THE END. Well, not really...we still have another Christmas today.

How was your Christmas? Get anything fun? What did you do?
Tell me. For real. I want to know!

Christmas Eve

2011-12-24T19:55:00.000-08:00

1. The Christmas tree

2. He turned 13 months old today!

3. Putting Jesus on the mantel with the rest of the nativity set.

4. Jesus' birthday cake. Singing Happy Birthday.

5. Snacks.

6. My husband and his dad ready to hand out gifts.

7. Playing with his toy train from his grandparents.

8. Mama helping him open a movie.

9. His new popper toy. James and I both had one of them when we were little.

10. Checking out his toy helicopter with his uncle.

11. Everyone.

12. Gift from my husband.

13. Air hockey from me for my husband and I to play!

Christmas pictures

2011-12-22T11:49:00.000-08:00

I was going to take a blogging break til after Christmas, but then I got excited about these photos.

(He does have a diaper on. Promise).

2011-12-20T16:12:00.000-08:00

Christmas is coming! Christmas is coming! Christmas is coming!

Because of that I'm taking a little Holiday break from blogging.

(well because of that and the fact that my wrist has been bothering me from too much typing and maybe toddler carrying...)

I hope your Christmas is Merry and Bright!

Playing with Christmas

2011-12-16T16:12:00.000-08:00

1. Enjoying the Christmas tree and lights

2. Bell ringing. If only we could teach him to say, "Merry Christmas!"

3. Trying to figure out the nutcracker

Living for God

2011-12-15T06:35:00.000-08:00

Via pinterest

I've been devouring Karen Kingsbury books lately. She's my favorite author.

So good with words about having a relationship with God and relationships in general.

As I was reading her book Take Three I came across some words I wanted to share.

Words about living for God.

During the part of the novel a main character in the book was listening to a radio station and this is what was said about living for God: "That means you take a hard look at what drives you. If it's your wife and kids, you're out of alignment with God...if it's your promotion at the office, you're off base. It it's the climb to get ahead of the park, your priorities are askew.... Living for God means waking every day with the same question in mind: How can I get through the next twelve hours in God's power, accomplishing His purposes, and concerned only about pleasing him?"

Those words are ones I read that convict me, that smack me in the face. What drives me? I hate to admit it, but honestly I'm unsure. Most of the time selfishness. Other times it is my husband and son. Sometimes its passion for photography, writing, or blogging. Often its about keeping up the appearance that everything is fine and dandy in my life when in fact it isn't.

But is it God? As I write this I have tears in my eyes because I know the answer. The reason I was convicted, the reason I felt slapped in the face is because I rarely find God being the one who drives me. Its not His fault, of course because He is there...waiting to be the one who drives me, waiting to be the one I live for.

So why is He not the one I let drive me? Why don't I live for Him? I'm too busy. I'm too tired. I get bored by it all sometimes...especially when it comes to reading His words (but other times I do find peace in it). Mostly though...its fear. So much fear. And selfishness of course because I want to do what I want, what I'm comfortable with.

It all gets old though. It gets old and tiring knowing in your mind and heart what you are supposed to be doing. It gets hard fighting God and knowing that He is telling you to live for Him. It gets old and hard because when you don't those things your heart isn't right...its a bit broken.

That's how I feel lately...a bit broken.

God, help me to live for You. That's what I want to fully do.

What I Wore Wednesday

2011-12-14T07:54:00.000-08:00

Scarf: Apearantly Sew

Cardigan and shirt: Kohls

Jeggings: Express

Leg warmers: Target

Boots: Charlotte Russe

This scarf is probably my favorite. Its made differently than any scarf I've ever seen and because of that I'm pretty sure it will last forever! I like things like that, so go check out that ladies shop!

And these boots, I love them too. I mean, come on they are red!

More to me

2011-12-13T06:24:00.000-08:00

I'm a wife and a mother, but is that all I am?
That sounds awful... but please don't read it that way.
It is what I love.
It is what I am meant to be.
I wouldn't change it for the world.
But is there more to me than that?

Honestly, there are moments when it doesn't feel that way.
Moments when I just want 30 minutes to myself to read, to sleep, to listen to the quiet!
Moments when the screaming and crying makes me feel as if I am going to snap.
Moments when I just don't want to be bothered.

Apart of me feels like I don't know myself.
Who am I, other than a wife and mother?
Because I know there is more to me, but what?

I'm a woman who loves Jesus even though I don't (most often) spend enough time with Him. I love to read. I used to be able to read all day long and I would do that now if I had the chance. I miss sleeping. Oh, I miss sleeping! I used to sleep too much, but now its a 6:30am wake up call! I'm not going to complain about that too much though because husband got up with Braden Saturday and Sunday and I got to sleep! It was glorious! I love my friends and I miss them dearly. I wish we weren't all so spread out, but I know that is His plan for us right now. I am a woman who loves and adores both her husband and baby.

I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, with anyone else...but sometimes I do need a bit of alone time just to think and relax. Sometimes I just need to be alone.
Please tell me I'm not the only one with these thoughts!

My favorite Christmas cookie (a recipe)

2011-12-12T16:25:00.000-08:00

Today my mom and I (and baby boy, of course) got together with a family friend and do what we do pretty much every year. Baked Christmas treats! We make a ton. Today we made at least 5 different kinds, but there is one thats a favorite. We call it a snowball and I'm going to share the recipe with you!

Don't they look yummy?!?

What you'll need:

1 1/2 stick of butter

1/4 cup sugar

1 3/4 cup flower

A teaspoon of vanilla

A bar of white chocolate... I believe its the bakers bar, but any would work (I think ;)

Sprinkles

What you do:

Preheat oven to 350

Mix everything together (soften the butter)

Roll it into balls

Bake for 10-12 minutes

Let cool

Dip in white chocolate

Sprinkle your heart out!

Let em sit until the chocolate hardens

Eat them, but don't be like me and eat them all in one sitting! ;)

Words you just know

2011-12-11T15:13:00.000-08:00

Do you have scripture that you know by heart?

Scripture that you find speaks into your life time and time again?

That's what I'm thinking about today....the scripture that I just know.

I know a few verses and as I write this, I can't help but think that there should be more.

Whenever I open my Bible (which isn't as much as it should be) I find peace in His words. A peace I don't find elsewhere and I want more of that...I'm thirsty for that.

Back to my question... what scripture do you know by heart?

One scripture I've clung to time and time again in my life is Luke 6:27-28

"But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you."

There was a time in my life when I was full of hatred... so much that it was all I could think about.I felt like it was eating me alive and I became angry and angry the more I thought about it.It was horrible and left me in tears often. I read this verse at that point and knew thats how I'd make it through...thats how I'd survive. I didn't want to love my enemy, do good, bless, or pray. I definitely didn't want to pray, but I did...thats where I started because I think prayer more than anything, softens the heart. Which again, as I write this, I think I need more of that too!

I'm thirsty...so thirsty for those things and for Him.

A song

2011-12-10T13:45:00.000-08:00

Every time I hear this song it speaks to me.

I wait for tomorrow on so many things...

Tomorrow I'll exercise and start eating right.

Tomorrow I'll open my Bible and spend time with God the way I should.

Tomorrow I won't spend so much time on the internet.

Tomorrow I'll believe I'm forgiven.

Tomorrow I'll reach out to someone.

The list goes on and on.

But why do I wait for tomorrow?

Sometimes it seems like tomorrow will never come because I just keep putting things off.

I frustrate myself because I know in my heart that God wants me to do those things RIGHT NOW!

He tells me not to wait!

Lord, help me start today what I should have started a long time ago!

It's the little things: A package, nail polish, and my favorite author

2011-12-09T07:23:00.000-08:00

I feel like I haven't linked up with Lindsay over at Aisle to Aloha for the little things that brighten my week in a while! Sometimes weeks feel long and hard, but there still there are good things!

This week my little things were...

A package from this lady. It was a nice surprise!

New scented nail polish: beach, orange pop, and cherry.

This nail polish goes on so smoothly!

Reading a book by Karen Kingsbury. She's my favorite!

Its so hard for me to put her books down!

What are the little things that made your week bright?

Happy Friday!

Our only Christmas decor

2011-12-08T10:44:00.000-08:00

Linking up with Gussy Sews for some Christmas decoration inspiration!

Since we don't have our own place yet (we're moving in January), we don't have our own Christmas decorations. They are all packed away!

We did get Braden a little something.

Not really a Christmas decoration, but it does sing Jingle Bells and light up when you push its foot.

That counts, in my book!

Yesterday this was the only thing that made him happy. He's been so fussy since he's sick with a cold.

I sat this in front of him and pushed it. When it turned off he'd look at me and say, "du du" because he wanted me to push it again. Over and over again I pushed it. May drive everyone else up a wall, but keeps him happy!

Pssst....I'm over here!

2011-12-07T14:53:00.000-08:00

I really love this photo of him and I.

Our time together is so important...just him and me time.

We don't get a lot of it, so little walks down the road are important.

Speaking of important...I'm over here today, writing about why I journal.

Check if out if you want.

It's a bear. Oh, wait, it's my son!

2011-12-06T09:53:00.000-08:00

Getting a closer look.

What is this? There wasn't much,

but I thought it was better that way... not so overwhelming.

His gloves are too big and he needs mama's help walking.

Love my little bear.

Meeting Santa

2011-12-05T07:05:00.000-08:00

We took Braden to get a picture with Santa for the first time

(last year he was so little, so we didn't).

He didn't have a clue really what was going on...

only that some stranger in a red suit was holding him.

He started to cry for a split second and then gave us this smirk.

I just can't get over how big he is! Not my baby anymore! =(

On taking a break

2011-12-04T08:19:00.000-08:00

I'm back from a blogging break and thats what I want to write about today!

Sometimes I need to take breaks from blogging and social networking as a whole.
I'm not always very good at it because I do enjoy it and it tends to suck me in.

I get tired of it, though because it feels like it takes a lot of work.

Thinking about what to write, having pictures, editing pictures, and getting my words right.

I find myself, often, thinking, "Oh, I could blog about this!"

I am glad that I have things in my life I want to blog about, but I don't want to think about what to blog in my life more than I live my life! Know what I mean?

I've also realized that I have the type of personality that lets other things get in the way of other things I should be doing! I think that I've let that happen with blogging (it used to be facebook, but I gave that up for multiple reasons). Honestly, I don't know how other wives and mothers do it -- they work, take care of their home and family, have a relationship with God, AND blog... plus a string of other things. Its a lot of work and I see some amazing women out there doing all these things. I realized the other morning (when I decided to take a break) that I needed to stop and do other things.

I needed to stop and play ball with my son.

I needed to stop and clean.

I needed to stop and pray.

I needed to stop and enjoy time with my husband.

I needed to stop and do something else.

I just needed to stop and be away from the computer for a bit.

I didn't do as well as I wanted to, but it was nice to not have to focus so much on my blog, twitter, or whatever else I get sucked into on this little thing we call the computer all day! I want this to be a goal of mine...to not sit on the computer all day long because as much as I love social networking, I do have a real life to live!

Happy Sunday friends!

I document everything, okay?

2011-11-28T09:09:00.000-08:00

Yes, even getting his teeth brushed for the first time.

Am I the only mama who does this?

I hope you don't get my teeth kiddo.

Brush em good, okay?

We have a walker!

2011-11-26T19:44:00.000-08:00

Just this afternoon at his party we were talking about how he'd probably walk soon and now he is!
So exciting!

Party Animal

2011-11-26T17:30:00.000-08:00

Today we had a huge birthday bash for our baby. Braden really likes kitties, so I chose an animal themed party (he calls all animals kitty, so it was different animals). It was a lot of fun, but I'm glad its over.

Thanksgiving, preparing the next day, and then having the party was a lot.

I need a day of rest!

I really enjoyed decorating for the party. Making the mini animal cakes took a lot of work, but they turned out so well. I was pretty proud of myself. I'm so grateful to my parents, in-laws, and grandparents who helped a ton. Wouldn't have been able to do it all without them!

In his cute birthday outfit my mom bought him! He's so adorable... he just goes straight to my heart!

A cute bib from his grandma. Ready for lunch...

And a cake of course! I gave him the crocodile one because I like the way they turned out the best!

He was so cute...reaching the candle and trying to blow it out himself.

(P.S. my mom's friend made that banner and I love it. So cute)

Devouring it!

Present time!

The play cell phone we got him because he LOVES real phones.

He wouldn't let go of this and wasn't paying attention to any other gifts.

Looking at a book with daddy!

Him with all his loot. Seriously, spoiled much?

And that is what happens after a party!

I enjoyed it and he certainly did. He's going crazy with one of his toys right now!

Now, back to cleaning...since that hasn't happened in a few days!

I was doing it all by myself!

Glad he liked it though!

Christmas things to do with him

2011-11-25T08:36:00.000-08:00

I'm linking up with Casey Wiegand, Danielle, Kate, and Janel for the followers fest!

This months followers fest is about handmade gifts! I'm thinking about starting an etsy shop up, but for now I don't have one. However, I have come up with some ideas (via pinterest) that I wouldn't mind doing with this little guy!

A thumb print Christmas tree card.

A wreath plate out of his little hands.

A healthy snack.

A scrapbook page, maybe? Every year?

I believe that buying handmade gifts from others is great - totally supportive of other people, but I think its fun to make things like things!

Want to see more Christmas ideas I'm loving? Go here.

Happy shopping and creating!

Happy 1st Birthday!

2011-11-24T19:14:00.000-08:00

He's so precious and happy. I love it.

I am so thankful for my boys. Getting pictures of them together, I love because their relationship is so special. They make my heart happy and thankful!

I love our love.

Birthday party pictures to come sometime after his party Saturday!

Questions on Gratitude

2011-11-23T12:53:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've come across posts from other bloggers that I like and therefore want to copy.This is one of those posts. It's definitely one I need to do...especially today. I need to take the time to really think about what I am grateful for. I am always grateful, but I don't always take the time to really think about such things.

1. Who do you appreciate? There are many people I appreciate, but my husband is at the very top of the list. He works so very hard at a job that isn't his dream, at a job that most days is just a pain, but he does it because he wants to support us. He's also very supportive, loving, and giving. He's a great husband! =)

2. How am I fortunate? I am fortunate because of the life I live. There are so many people, so many children who don't get food to eat, water to drink, or a roof over their head. I'm fortunate enough to get those things! I'm also fortunate to have a college degree. So many people can't afford it. I'm fortunate also because I know Christ. So many people don't. For that I am one of the most fortunate!

3. What material possessions am I thankful for? Clothes, my phone, a computer, a car, a bed to sleep on.

4. What abilities do I have that I am grateful for? I'm grateful that I have a compassionate heart. Sometimes its so easy for the world to judge other for who they are or blame them for their circumstances, but I try to see the bigger picture, I try to see their heart. I'm not always good at it, but my heart is full of compassion for many.

5. What about my surroundings (my home, neighborhood) am I thankful for? I'm thankful to have a roof over my head and a warm place to sleep. I'm thankful that we are in a safe place, but mostly I am thankful that I am with my husband and son. They surround me daily and without them I don't know what I'd do. I'm also thankful that God is all around me.

6. What experiences have I had that I am grateful for? I want to say that I am grateful for my past, but sometimes thats hard. However, I know that theres a purpose in it, even if I never know what that is. Its a part of God's plan and its made me who I am today.

7. What happened today/yesterday/this week/ this month/this year that I am grateful for?

Today-- time to rest. Somedays I feel like I get none and it was nice to nap with my son lying on me.

Yesterday -- some good time with just my husband, son, and I. One of my favorite things is when we have time just us, time to just enjoy each other.

This week-- thats its Thanksgiving tomorrow (and someone's birthday)! =)

This month -- that we've been able to take some steps towards healing for us and made some decisions that will be good for us!

This year -- we got married and had a baby...couldn't get any better than that!

8. What opportunities have I had that I am thankful for? I am thankful that I have the chance to stay home with my son. Its definitely a blessing. I get to see him grow and thats something I wouldn't change for the world!

9. What have others done that I am thankful for? My husband works to support us. That is something I can never thank him enough for. His parents have given us a place to stay while we pay off some debt. A friend from church welcomes her home for play dates and listens to me. Theres so much that others have done for me!

10. What have others done that I am benefiting from in my life (even if I don't know who those people are?) I know others pray for us. Maybe I don't know who or when, but it helps!

11. What relationships am I thankful for? I am thankful for the relationship I have with my husband. It may not always be easy, but it is always worth it. I am thankful for my relationship with my son. Its a special relationship and he will always have a special place in my heart. I love them very much. I am also thankful for the friendships I have -- some I've had for years and some more recent, but my friends, they are so important and have been there through some of the toughest times. I'm so thankful to have people in my life who will be there no matter what!

12. What am I taking for granted that, if I stop to think about, I am grateful for? I am sure there is much. I think I take more for granted that I can even think of. At times, I think, I take most for granted. Maybe, its money, if I really think about it. I've mentioned debt before and I think, maybe, taking money for granted is what got us here.

13. What is there about the challenges/difficulties I have experienced (or am experiencing) that I can be thankful for? (e.g. What have I learned? How have I grown?) I've learned what really matters - God and my family. Those things are the only things that really matter... if I only had those two things in my life, I'd not only be okay, but I'd be good. I've also learned that God's in control and I need to trust Him and lean on Him more.

14. What is different today then it was a year ago that I am thankful for? My heart is different. When my husband and I started dating I was emotionally a mess and after getting married and having him in my life thats changed a lot. He's helped to heal my heart. I'm so thankful for that! I am also thankful that my husband took it upon himself to bring my best friend from college and I back into one anothers' lives. I am thankful that she was willing to let me back in her life and that we were willing to forgive one another and open up to one another again. God is good. In all things He is good.

15. What insights have I gained that I am thankful for? I am thankful that I've learned that I can't change the way people act or the choices they've made. I can only be in-charge of me. Its nice to be able to let go of that and not carry the burden of other peoples' choices.

A book review: Unlocked

2011-11-22T14:33:00.000-08:00

One of my goals has been to read more. I haven't been that great at it, but this past week I borrowed this book from a friend and loved it! I thought, since its one of my goals, I'd write a book review on it.

Karen Kingsbury is one of my favorite authors. I've yet to read a book by her that I haven't liked and I doubt it will ever happen. Her words just draw you in and you can't put the book down! Unlocked is a story of two friends, Holden and Ella, who lost their friendship when they were little. They were best friends, but when Holden all of a sudden got autism, Ella's parents couldn't handle it and stopped their friendship with the family.

Years later, Ella and Holden reunite all because of a school play. Holden is drawn to music... the one thing that makes him happy. Well, that and Ella. The music not only brings Holden a bit out of himself, but it brings friendship back into the lives of two families.

I loved this book. It made me smile and cry. One of my favorite things about Karen Kingsbury is how she writes about faith. I love how her characters depend on God and hear Him speaking to them.

I wish I could hear God the way the characters seem to... like He's right there! Karen Kingsbury is no doubt my favorite author and I promise if you pick up one of her books, you'll love her too!

Now, I'm off to read another book of hers! =)

I'm blank because...

2011-11-21T11:12:00.000-08:00

I've seen multiple bloggers do this. I thought it was fun and different, so I'm joining in!

I'm weird because...

I have to sleep with my feet out of the covers

I have to have ice in my milk or its just not cold enough

I don't like being touched when I'm sleeping

I can make a million different faces

I'm a bad friend because...

I don't keep in contact like I should

I'm not very open and vulnerable

Sometimes I rather just be alone

I forget birthdays

I'm a good friend because...

I'll listen to my friends' hearts anytime

I cherish my friends so much

I'd do anything for my friends

I'm trustworthy

I'm sad because...

We have too much debt

I miss my close girlfriends

We don't have space of our own and I desperately want it

My baby boy is growing too fast

I'm happy because...

The weekend was a good one

I have a giving and loving husband

My baby boy brings me so much joy

His mercies are new every morning

I'm excited because...

Its almost Thanksgiving

My baby boy is turning one soon

We're slowly, but surely, paying off our debts

Christmas is coming

Satisfaction in Him

2011-11-20T16:53:00.000-08:00

Sometimes my heart aches for things, longs for things.

The aching, the longing, is sometimes so much that it hurts.

I long for a deeper relationship with Christ because I know thats the deepest relationship I'm suppose to have. Not only does my mind know it. Not only does my heart know it. But my soul knows it.

I thirst for it sometimes. Especially when things aren't going that well or when I'm feeling down.

In those moments it seems like only His words can fill me with what I need.

I'm thankful for that... I'm thankful for that when times are hard, I feel that I need His word.

I'm thankful that I don't feel a strong need to turn to something else... something harmful, but instead to Him...instead to what is good.

I'm thankful that God gave us His word. That He didn't leave our longing to be satisfied by the things of this world because if He did, what a mess we would be.

I am thankful that when I go to Him, I find satisfaction in Him.

Scarf swap goodies

2011-11-19T14:08:00.000-08:00

I know I've said it before, but I love the blogging world.

There have been times when I've thought about quitting because blogging takes a lot of time,

but then I find people I connect with and it reminds me of one of the reasons I do this.

I love the people... they are encouraging, kind, loving, and giving.

Krysten over at Why Girls Are Weird hosted a Scarf Swap.

I love things like this because its fun to get connected with other bloggers, that you've possibly never come across and exchange care packages with. My swapping partner was Kim from Our Life- Unscripted.

I was suppose to link up a few weeks ago, but silly me didn't send her my complete address. I blame it on mommy brain! =) I was excited to see the package on the steps today after all that!

Here's what she sent:

A red scarf. I'd been wanting one for so long! This one is ruffled, soft, and just all around perfect!

A mason jar glass. Its actually called A Redneck's Wine Glass. So funny and cute! I love it so much that instead of drinking out of it, I am going to use it for decoration.

Peanut carmel flavored pop corn. Its the shape of actual corn! Looks yummy

Two different types of hot coco. May get used soon because a cold front is coming in!

Thanks so much Kim! You did an awesome job!

Thoughts on Sandusky

2011-11-18T14:31:00.000-08:00

I'm watching Dr. Phil. I do this sometimes, even though most of the time it leaves me in tears.

Todays episode is no different. Its about Penn state and everything involving this case against Sandusky. I haven't been paying much attention to it...I've been trying not to because I know it'd just upset me terribly. But I'm watching this today because not only is Dr. Phil talking about whats going on there, but also about how to be aware of sexual abuse in children. I think as hard as it is, its important to be aware of such things.

That's not what I want to write about though. I want to write about whats on my heart about this.

I'm trying not to bawl my eyes out because this hurts me deeply. Watching this, I'm learning things. I'm learning that for 10 years this abuse went on, before it was reported to the police. People saw things happening...horrible things and no one did what the law says they are supposed to do. They were supposed to go not only to the school board or people above him, but they were supposed to go to the cops. They didn't though...not for 10 years. Oh, the boys who could have been saved if only someone had done what they were suppose to, if only they had done the right thing! This makes me angry. I'm angry at Sandusky, yes, but its hard to not be even more angry at those who saw these things and did nothing. We're suppose to protect our kids! If we, the adults, don't do the right thing....if we don't protect our children...who will? Nobody. That makes me sick. It makes me want to refuse to let my child do anything when he grows up. It makes me want to keep him by my side always. It makes me want to never let him out of my sight.

I'm angry. I cannot deny it.

I'm angry that this keeps on happening.

It doesn't seem like anything is being done to stop such things.

It breaks my heart because that isn't suppose to happen.

Innocence was ripped from these children.

Their going to have deep emotional problems for most likely the rest of their lives.

Things like this make me so thankful for the fact that I know God.

God knows why this happens and He is a healer.

Theres some comfort for me there, but its hard because this sin...because I am a mother...gets to me more than anything else.

I am also thankful that God will deal with people like Sandusky.

He gives them grace, that many people, like myself, struggle in giving to them.

Dear God, please be in the midst of this scandal. I know You are. I do.

Be close to all these people that have been hurt. Some of the kids he caused harm to are more grown up and some are still so young. Draw close to them God. They need you.
Show them your love and give them your peace. Help this be dealt with in the right way. Let there be justice. Please let their be justice. Amen.

Thanksgiving

2011-11-17T06:56:00.000-08:00

It's Thursday, which means time to link up with Gussy Sews. This weeks inspiration prompt is Thanksgiving.

I'm excited for Thanksgiving this year!

I just love the food, but I also am so excited because ...

It's going to be his first birthday!

Makes me happy and sad all at the same time!

Here are some other Thanksgiving things I'm liking:

Source: Tiny White Daisies via Kassie on Pinterest

I need to print this and hang it somewhere because lately life has felt messy.

I need to calm down and remember the things I am thankful for.

Source: Tiny White Daisies via Kassie on Pinterest

This would be a good sign to have around as well because its so true.

Sometimes its hard to think of things, but I know if I focus and really think, I will come up with a good list!

Source: http://jellybeanjunkyard.wordpress.com/ via Kassie on Pinterest

This reminds me of an advent calendar, so I love it!

Everyday your family could write on a scrap of paper what they are thankful for and each year you could add to it and look at what you were thankful for the year before!

Such a great idea!

Source: Beauty and Bedlam via Kassie on Pinterest

Its like a fortune cookie, but better! Write down what you're thankful for and roll it up in a croissant and then at dinner everyone can share what message they have found! Never would have thought of this!

Crystal Wilkerson via Kassie on Pinterest

This blog is hosting a 30 days of gratitude. She gives you quotes and a journaling prompt.

A great way to really think and reflect on what you are truly grateful for.

Positively Present via Kassie onPinterest

I also like the idea of taking pictures of things you are grateful for. Another thing I never thought have thought about!

What I love about Thanksgiving is the fact that you need to be in that mood all year round (note-to-self) and that you could use all these things all year round if you wanted to!

What do you enjoy about Thanksgiving

I Love Baby Love

2011-11-16T07:21:00.000-08:00

Cardigan: Forever21. Dress: American Eagle. Leggings: Walmart. Boots: Kohls.

I just love when he cuddles with me.
Is there anything better or that touches a mama's heart more than this?

Blog award

2011-11-15T07:28:00.000-08:00

Let me just say, I have some awesome followers. I love the blog community and the support I have found in it. I love meeting new friends who come here and are encouraged, but you know what I love even more than that? The encouragement they give me! Its so nice to be encouraged because I need it so often! My new friend, Digger over at Dig Deeper Design is one of those people who encourages me! She's so kind and one way she's encouraged me just today is by giving me a blog award! Thank you!

The Liebster Blog award is given to up and coming bloggers who have less than 200 followers. Liebster is a German word for. "dear, sweet, kind, nice, good, beloved, lovely, kindly, pleasant, valued, cute, enduring, and welcome." See, that's so nice, so encouraging! Thanks again, friend!

To keep this award and love going I'm going to pass it onto five other bloggers who have less than 200 followers and have stood out to me.

The rules are:

1. Thank the person who gave it to you and link back to their blog.

2. Reveal your top picks and let them know.

3. Copy and paste the award in your blog post.

4. Have faith that your followers will spread the love too!

Here are my top 5!

1. Marybeth over at Let it Grow

2. Jamie over at Snow in December

3. Sarah over at Race Towards Joy

4. Jenny over at Chandelier Jenny

Some of these ladies I've been following for a while and some for only a bit, but they've all touched my heart in someway! If you haven't checked them out, you really should! Maybe they will encourage you too!

Where my hope comes from

2011-11-14T15:32:00.000-08:00

This is the verse I have to look at today because things are feeling hopeless.

When my little boy is screaming... I feel no hope.

When I look at our bills and the pile of debt we have...I feel no hope.

When I get irritated and frustrated at our current living situation...I feel no hope.

When people are constantly telling me what to do and making me feel bad because I am not doing things their way, the way they consider right...I feel no hope.

Honestly, I'm stressed out, a bit depressed, irritated, bitter, and a little angry too.

But there is hope and I need to focus my attention on WHERE that hope REALLY is.

Because sometimes hope isn't around me... I won't find it in my baby screams, money, a house, or people's opinions. Sometimes theres no hope in those things because how can those things give me hope when so often those things fail us?

My precious boy... I love him dearly. I love him more than words can ever explain, but he's probably always going to fuss or drive me a little loopy sometimes. At least for the next 17 years right? ;)

It will seem like we never have enough money... I'm human and I'll admit right now that sometimes I really do want more of it even though it does nothing for me...not really.

A home? A space of my own? Yes, I want it, I dream of it right now, literally, but when we get there, will we dream of bigger and better? Because that's what we do as humans? We always want whats bigger and better?

And people telling me what to do and thinking wrongly of me? That's what people do...they judge, they always think their right. I won't find hope in people, not always.

But where is there hope?

IN GOD there IS HOPE

Even though I'm struggling to believe this right now... even though I can't grasp it because I'm having a few horrible moments, I know its the truth.

God is the only place where I will find hope because He is hope!

Please God, let me rest in Your hope.

You offer us so much of it, but I'm struggling to find it.

Open my eyes to it Lord.

Give me hope to get through this day because I need it.

Worry

2011-11-13T09:09:00.000-08:00

I'm a worrier. I know I shouldn't be, but I am.

I've gotten better at not worrying as much.

I used to worry so much and get so upset by things that I'd be sick to my stomach and I couldn't eat.

It was awful. It doesn't normally get that bad now, but I still worry.

Lately I've been worrying about what others think about me.

Especially when it comes to mothering.

I worry that people are judging me as a mom... looking at me and thinking in their minds, "She doesn't know what she's doing, she's a bad mom."

I'm the type of mom...

Whose kid has had sweets before he's one. He likes oreos, what can ya do?

Whose child doesn't have a normal sleeping pattern. Maybe thats my fault.. I don't know, but I've tried. He sleeps when he wants, when he's tired!

Who lets her kid play by himself a lot. I with play him, I do interact with him, but he likes to do things on his own.

I could go on and on, but you know what I feel like I'm doing in saying these things? I feel like I'm trying to defend myself as a mom and that isn't something I need to do. I don't need to apologize to anyone for how I parent or what I do and don't do as a mom.

He's happy.

He's well taken care of.

He's loved.

No, I'm not the perfect mom. I will always need to work on things, but the fact that he's happy, taken care of, and loved...that's what matters most. What people think of me, doesn't.

Any mama's have this worry? How do you deal with it?

I'm gonna miss this

2011-11-11T07:37:00.000-08:00

There's a country song called You're Gonna Miss This. It always gets to me.

Its a song about how we want to grow up so fast.

As teenagers we can't wait to move out.

When we get married we can't wait to have kids.

When we have a small apartment, we want something bigger.

I've been there.

We always want more then what we have, but the truth is... we will miss the things we had before, the simple things.

This song gets to me as a mama. I look forward to things with Braden.

I look forward to him growing up and being there always.

But I know I'm going to miss things.

One of my favorite things is the mornings... when Braden wakes up and cries for me because he's hungry.

I love being sandwiched in-between my two boys in the bed.

Yes, getting up early isn't always easy, but I will miss it!

I will miss all of being together in the comfy bed, cuddling.

I will miss him letting me hold him.

When I get pregnant I will be so happy, but I know that I will miss just the three of us, too.

I will miss him being little. I will miss him being my baby.

Theres so much I will miss, so I hold tight to it now.

Dining Room

2011-11-10T07:57:00.000-08:00

Its Thursday, which means time to link up with Gussy Sews for some inspiration!

The prompt for today is dining rooms. We don't have our own dining room right now and won't for a while, but here are some ideas of what I'd like in a dining room

This I love as a whole. I especially love how theres comfy seating. I mean, a comfy seat would definitely make getting up early easier. I'd love to just sit there with my iced coffee and stare out those amazing windows!

I love this wall!

What a great way to spice up a white wall!

I'd choose different colors, but this is just so great!

Loving the brightness here! Bright flowers are a center piece is just great.

I'd prefer flowers there everyday!

I also like how the chairs are different!

I'm not sure if I'd actually want them in my kitchen, but these chairs are so awesome.

I love the different colors and how they bring fun into the dining room!

I also like these stools. So cute with different fabric.

I do like how they are stools, but at the same time I like to lean back in my chair after I am full! ;)

What would you want in your dining room?

:: all pictures via pinterest::

Why I blog

2011-11-09T07:12:00.000-08:00

Stripped tee: Old Navy. Tank: My grandma's dresser (crazy, huh?). Shorts and necklace: Kohls.

I've been meaning to do a blog post about why I blog for a while now, so here we go!

I love to write. I used to be able to spend hours filling journals. In college I filled about twelve and I also wrote for the newspaper during that time as well. I used to write poetry too, when I was a teenager. Writing has always been a way to get things out. I'm a big believer (for myself) that putting thoughts and feelings down on paper makes people feel better. Its my way of being creative and expressing myself. I'm trying to be more vulnerable here, which is hard for me, but I think in the long run it will be a good thing.

I first started blogging to keep family and friends updated on life. I wanted them to get a glimpse of my married, mothering life and blogging made that possible. Its turned into more than that. Its a place for me to not only share things with others, but its a place for me to write memories, for myself. Pictures can say a lot, but words are important too. I want to be able to come back to this blog years down the road and be able to read and remember what I was going through and thinking during certain parts of my life. So, this blog, its about sharing, but its also about memories.

I also write, hoping that someplace, somewhere, someone can relate to my life. No, my life isn't this grand thing, but there are things in my life that are different from others. Maybe someone can relate to my struggles in motherhood, or how sometimes I feel like marriage is super hard, or my testimony. Maybe I can give someone hope. Maybe this is selfish, but I look for that hope too, in this blogging world. That's another reason I started blogging... to connect with other bloggers. Maybe I can relate to someone else. Maybe someone else can touch my heart. I know that I've already come across a ton of ladies in the blogging world who have really touched my heart.

I blog in hopes that I can encourage and be encouraged.
I blog because I enjoy it. Because its fun.

Why do you blog? I'd love for you to tell me!

A mama's fear (and a winner)

2011-11-08T06:26:00.000-08:00

We all have fears. I think a lot of those times those fears aren't something that would actually occur, but still they are there. I have a fear that is new to me since becoming a mother. I fear that somehow my son is going to get hurt. I know he will get hurt in life because thats what happens. I cannot (and should not) protect my son from every little thing. Getting hurt is how we learn sometimes. By hurt though, I mean, horribly. I actually have vivid images in my head of this happening. I've yet to determine if thats normal or not.

My biggest fear is that he's going to be taken. I think I fear this because I see it so often.

Right now, theres a baby girl my sons age missing in Kansas City. She's been missing for over a month.

I cried in our bed over this. I cried saying, "I don't want anyone to take my baby!" I was so upset by this that my husband brought him into our bed for a while. Its a fear that I am sure would never happen, but it breaks my heart to think about it.

I also have other images in my head of him getting hurt.
Right now we're living in a place where at the bottom of the stairs there is concrete.

I fear him falling down the stairs. I fear him not making it because of that.

The list goes on and on.

I tell you this for two reasons...

Maybe another mama can relate.

But mostly, I tell you this because of how I deal with it.

I TURN TO God with these images, with this worry.

Because that is what I HAVE TO DO.

I put them out of my head and out of my heart.

I GIVE THEM to God.

I TRUST HIM with my son because after all, He is the one who is in complete control.

He has my son IN HIS HANDS.

I AM AT PEACE when turning to Him with this.

Giving these thoughts to Him means I am FREE from them!

They don't have to stick around and haunt me.

I do not have to worry!

Dear God, I know You are constantly watching over my son.

I know You love him and protect him always.

I cannot thank You enough for this!

Thank You for taking this worry from my hands and holding it in your own!

The winner of the Shabby Apple Giveaway is Linda Yan (I used the true random generator...I'd post it, if I knew how!)Congrats! I will email you soon!

Husband + son = heart swell

2011-11-07T08:06:00.000-08:00

These are my boys. There are no two people whom I could possibly love more in this world.

When they are together... my love grows to an extent that I didn't even know existed.

My favorite thing in the world is hearing them be together. I love when my husband goes in his room at night...when our little one is supposed to be sleeping and I hear them talking to each other. Of course, the little one doesn't talk much yet, but I hear him jabbering. I hear dada and giggles.

Moments like those make my heart sore. Moments like those fill my heart with a joy, I didn't know, it could ever feel.

When my husband tells me that he taught Braden how to say bear, it makes my heart happy to know that he's willing to teach our little one and that Braden wants to learn from his dada. It makes me smile when he tells me that he asked Braden if that was his bear and he patted it, as to say, "yes, this is my bear." And when he holds the bear in front of him and says, "are you going to sleep with your bear?" he grabs it and hugs it. It makes me happy that they have their own way of talking and having fun with one another.

Theres no greater joy to me, really. It makes me so happy that I could cry.

Because when I hear them talking... hear them playing...everything in my world seems so right and perfect. I couldn't ask for anything more.

P.S. Theres an amazing giveaway going on over here featuring my new favorite etsy shop, Poor Pitiful Pearl. They have fabulous clothes that are refashioned. I am just dying over the clothes! So cute and unique! Check it out, I promise you won't be disappointed!

A ride on the carousel

2011-11-06T09:10:00.000-08:00

His first time and even though the pictures may seem differently, I think he liked it.

He's just so precious to me

2011-11-05T13:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I just want to eat him up!

He's going to be one soon.

Growing up so fast, too fast.

He's so full of energy

and smiles

and laughs.

Thank You God for this boy, this precious boy...

Broken, but thankful

2011-11-04T14:00:00.000-07:00

This is me.

On the outside I may look well put together, but on the inside, not so much.

On the inside I feel...

Broken

Messy

Hurt

a lot of the time.

I struggle with a lot...

My past

Fear

Not feeling good enough

My weight

Not being content

Today I'm really aware of these struggles, today I am aware of how strongly I feel broken, hurt and messy because of these things.

My past at times, can creep up out of nowhere and leave my whole body feeling depressed.

I fear losing my child in some way or having him call someone else "mama".

Everyday there is something that tells me I am not good enough - it may be tv, music, the internet, or even words spoken to me or actions towards me.

Somedays clothes don't fit or feel right.

A lot of the time I want to be somewhere else... somewhere alone, for myself, just for a while...to sit, to breathe, to be. Or somewhere, where my husband can live his dream.

I've been going over these things in my head. These things that leave me feeling horrible and I know that if I were THANKFUL, even if that didn't make things go away, I'd feel better.

So, today, I choose to be thankful for these things.

My past is not who I am, but brought me to where I am!

My child is in God's hands and he will call me "mama" when he's good and ready!

I am good enough because God doesn't make anything that isn't good enough!

My clothes will fit one day, but it takes time!

I am where I am for a reason! We are where we are for a reason!

Thanks God for opening my eyes.

Thanks for reminding me that things aren't so bad and that I should be thankful regardless!

Floral Scarf Love

2011-11-03T11:28:00.000-07:00

Its another Thursday, which means another day to link up with Gussy Sews for some inspiration!

Todays prompt is flowers.

I LOVE this outfit. It's probably one of my favorites that I've pinned!

I love mixing stripes and floral together. I have the stripes, but now I need to scarf.

So, I thought I'd share some scarves that I like. A floral scarf is definitely on my to buy list, when I have money to do so.

Here are some scarves I like. I could post a ton more, but decided to stick with three!

I love the yellow in this. It just pops!

I love how this scarf is calm with the gray, but has great pops of color!

This scarf is so pretty and girly!

This is a scarf I could see myself wearing with the outfit above or even with a dress.

::all photos via pinterest::

Want something to wear around your neck? Its not a scarf, but it is something fun!
Go here to check out my shabby apple giveaway!

What I Wore Wednesday

2011-11-02T05:38:00.000-07:00

I haven't done WIWW in a few weeks and not because I haven't gotten dressed everyday, because I have, but I just wasn't into my clothes, but I finally did it this week. Here are two outfits! Hope your Wednesday is a good one!

Sweater: Alco. Dress: Target. Necklace: Charming Charlie. Jeggings: Express. Boots: Zappos.

I wore this on Sunday. It was the perfect day for layering!

I found this picture on pinterest:

Here's my version: sorry for the awkward pose.

White tee: Target. Shirt:Forever21. Cardigan: Kohls. Jeggings: Express. Sandals: Charming Charlie.

I wore this on Halloween and while I like this outfit, I definitely like the pin better.

P.S. Like Shabby Apple? Enter my giveaway here for a great necklace!

His costume: Killing me with cuteness

2011-11-01T11:26:00.000-07:00

I took so many pictures yesterday, as I usually do and I couldn't decide which ones to post.

So, there are a lot! My grandma picked up this costume at a thrift store and I do have to say (of course) that he is the cutest giraffe I have ever seen!

His first Halloween, so I painted a 1 (got this idea on pinterest)!

I was surprised that he actually didn't mind wearing this! Even the hood!

Next year I look forward to actually taking him (And maybe a sibling?!?! No, I'm not pregnant, but I want to be) trick or treating!

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T15:32:00.000-07:00

Apparently, we're really excited about it over here!

=)

Costume pictures tomorrow!
And check out the giveaway in the post before this one!

A shabby apple giveaway!

2011-10-31T09:09:00.000-07:00

GIVEAWAY CLOSED

I'm excited to announce my first giveaway featuring Shabby apple!

I'm sure a lot of you know about them, but if not please hop on over to the site and check them out!

I am drooling over their dresses right now. You will too, if you go check them out. You can do so, by clicking on their button to the left!

Shabby Apple is giving you a chance to win The White Rabbits Time Keeper necklace:

This necklace is made of etched antique brass medal and the glass front opens up to reveal a clock.

It would be a great touch to any outfit!

Want to win?

There's a few ways you may enter, but you must be a follower of my blog.

Other ways to enter:

Like Shabby Apple on facebook here (mandatory)

Follow them on twitter

Subscribe to their blog

Tweet about this giveaway

That's 4 chances to win! Just leave a comment for everything you do. The winner will be announced next Monday. Good luck!

::Open to U.S. residents only!::

My version of an iced mocha

2011-10-27T09:04:00.000-07:00

I love coffee. I didn't used to.

I actually used to think it was the most disgusting thing ever, but then I had a baby... =)

My husband and I used to go to Starbucks everyday and well, you know that can kind of ~~hurt~~ kill a persons budget, so we decided we needed to make a better choice. We invested in a expresso machine, which has been an absolute money saver! So, today, I'm linking up with Gussy sews and sharing my favorite recipe with you. I have many, but considering I haven't made anything lately, this is what you get!

What you will need: Expresso coffee. Ice. Milk. Chocolate syrup.

Directions:

I'm assuming that if you have an expresso machine, you know how to use it, so express the coffee ;)

Then, pour the expresso over the ice.

Add some milk.

Add some syrup.

Stir and enjoy.

Easy huh?

If your like me, you drink it down and do it all over again!

Lessons on anger

2011-10-26T07:38:00.000-07:00

This weeks prompt for blogging outside the box is to write about something you know, to teach.

This was something rather difficult for me because sometimes I feel like I don't know a thing.

However, thats not the truth, but the truth is that writing about something I know, something I've learned is hard because it means I have to put myself out there and I haven't completely done that.

But I want to be more like that. I want to be more honest and open here. I admire bloggers who do that because I think, honesty, is what teaches. Bear with me, as I try to write honestly here.

Over the past few years, I'd say since the beginning of college, I've learned a thing or two about anger.

My parents always told me I had an anger problem, which I never really believed until years later, but the anger I felt during college and even after, was a bit strong. I'd never felt an anger so strong.
I don't mean angry for a second, a day, or even a week. I mean angry for months, angry for years.

I've been there.
I've been so angry towards people because I felt wronged by them, hurt by them, betrayed by them.
I've been so angry that my thoughts towards people have been horrid. I won't put them into words because they are that bad, but I know that I'm more than likely not the only one who has had such bad thoughts towards others.
I've been so angry that I've cried... and not little tears, but laid in bed and sobbed because I was so angry and unsure of what to do with that anger.
I've been so angry that I've felt as if the anger was going to tear through my heart and out of my body.
I've been so angry that I've punched and hit things as hard as I possibly could.
I've been so angry that I've felt completely consumed by it.

I've found myself in that place a few times. But God has been good to me and has made it so I haven't felt that type of many anger many times in my life. I am so thankful for that because being that angry and having to live that way would be so awful. Feeling such anger, which for a long time led to hatred is one of the worst feelings I've ever felt, but through it, I learned.

I learned that if you let it, it can destroy you. It can eat you from the inside out.
I learned that you cannot control others and what they do, but you can control you.
I learned that anger is not from God. Seems like a silly thing to have to learn, but if you've ever been that angry, you have to talk truth to yourself... you have to convince yourself that those feelings aren't from God, but from satan.
I've learned that anger and hatred do no good for anyone. Being the one who is angry, you may feel powerful with that anger, but really, its hurting you more than anyone.
I've learned that letting go of the anger sets you free.
But you know the biggest thing I learned?
I learned to cry out to God. I learned to pray. I learned to draw closer to Him.
And that was the best lesson... and if I had to be that angry to learn how to do those things, then there was good from it.

::photos via pinterest::

Girlfriends weekend

2011-10-25T07:47:00.000-07:00

This past weekend some of us girls from college got together.

Its the first time some of us have all been together since I got married.

It was so fun to see all of them and catch up on life because its changed so much!

We had a full weekend!

We ate a ton of food,went to a pumpkin patch,talked a lot

and just hung out! It was great!

Oh, and of course Braden got a lot of loving!

This was his first time on a hayride. He couldn't take his eyes away from the big wheels!

There were a few farm animals. The pig got lose!

They had this slide at the pumpkin patch which was so fun to go down.

I was a bit nervous about going down it with Braden, but decided to try it anyway.

It was safe and fun. We laughed a lot!

We took a trip to the cider mill. So many apples!

Braden of course had to check out the pumpkins! I think he recognized them from his first time at the pumpkin patch!

Of course I had to try some cider. This was apple-raspberry cider. Very yummy!

And heres a picture of us that evening watching some fire on the water thing (I'd explain it, but its boring lol).

I am so thankful for these women.

They've been there for me through a lot.

I look forward to the many more times that we get to be together in this life!

11 months!

2011-10-24T11:47:00.000-07:00

Today my baby is 11 months old. He's growing so fast. Too fast.

The last couple days he's just seemed so big, so grown up! I do enjoy it, but its breaking my heart (I think I say this every month...)!

He's learning so much...

He stands up by himself

He's drinking out of a cup better

He's talking up a storm. Did I mention he says Kitty? Not mama yet, but Kitty. Says it all the time!

He likes to pull drawers open and bang on things.

He loves to laugh - does a fake laugh all the time.

Is so happy. Just so happy.

Climbs up stairs.

The list goes on and on and everyday my love for him grows!

Happy 11 months baby! Can you stop growing now and just stay my baby forever?

Pleaseeeeee?

I {heart} organizing my accessories!

2011-10-20T08:37:00.000-07:00

Time to link up with Gussy Sews for some inspiration.

This weeks prompt is accessories.

I'm a bit obsessed with finding ways to organize them. I have found so many funs way to do so, but here are a few!

I love scarfs. I have at least 20. Right now I have them on a hanger, but they are all bunched together, so the hanger with the holes would be perfect. I also like the crotched hanging basket. Its just cute.

I love, love, love this idea for holding bracelets. So clever!

Who knew you could use a cheese shredder to hold earrings? I'd paint it red or maybe even modge podge it! I also love the different small bowls to organize earrings...maybe in the top drawer of my dresser. I bet I could find them at a thrift store!

This old window would be perfect to organize it all. So cute!

(Sorry its blurry)

But this... oh, I've been wanting it for years!

You can put it on a wall or like it is here, on the back of the door. It can hold so much!

How do you organize your accessories?

::all photos via pinterest::

My side of the story

2011-10-19T19:47:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago my husband wrote this post about the first night we'd met.

I decided to write about the night from my view point. I wrote about it a bit here, but vaguely, so here I go into it a more deeply.

I was sitting outside AMC theater waiting for James, this guy I'd never met. I remember thinking how strange it was that I wasn't super nervous. I didn't quite understand because these things (as in meeting people I've never met before - especially a guy) normally made me nervous, so nervous that I usually refused. But with James, I didn't get that feeling. I sat there, just patiently waiting and then I saw him and he saw me. I got up to walk towards him and even before I got super close I remember thinking to myself, this guy is really good looking. I don't know why this took me by surprise - I mean, I'd seen his facebook (ha ha), but it didn't do him justice. We introduced ourselves and went to get our tickets. This was a bit awkward for me because before getting together we'd established that we were just hanging out as friends, so I was like is the guy going to pay and if so is this a date (this goes through every girl's head right...I'm not strange right)? He paid and we went to find our seats to view the movie Surrogates. We talked and talked. We talked about our families (how I had one sister and he had 9 other siblings), how we went to the same junior high and both grew up Catholic, and things we liked to do (for instance, he loves to fly). The movie started and it was awful. I'm pretty sure it was the first movie I've ever walked out of. After the movie we went to Old Chicago where we ordered a pizza and talked more about our lives. At one point he said, "you know this isn't a date right?" It was SO awkward. I, of course, said that I knew because well, any other thing would have just made it more awkward. He asked me, after dinner, if I'd like to go flying with him. I said I would and as we drove we talked more about this not being a date. I remember James saying something about how this may not be a date, but whenever guys and girls hang out it always seems like a date. Part of me laughed inside because I knew that this conversation was more then conversation or he wouldn't be saying such things. When we got ready to fly James had to put fuel in the plane and he stepped up onto the side of the plan by my window. In that moment I knew I was in trouble. In that moment I knew I could fall for this guy and I could fall hard. It scared me. Its all I could think about while up in the air looking at the night down around us. Its all I could think about as he drove me back to my car. Its all I could think about as I quickly got out of his car and into mine to drive away.

I thought about this night for a long time. I still do sometimes.

The whole time we were going on "non-dates" I kept on thinking about this night and the moment I knew I could fall hard. I tried to fight it, I really did, but you can't fight what God has for you, you can't fight love.

(A picture from a recent date night)

Love you James Matthew Rew

Even then...

Nothing will stop him!

2011-10-18T07:08:00.000-07:00

It was in the 50 yesterday , which is crazy (I know, I know not freezing, but still colder than its been). I thought that meant a day inside, but do you think the weather would stop this kid? I did. Clearly, mama was wrong. Outside he wanted to go. So we bundled up and went!

Happy as can be because he's outside... the place he loves the most!

I wonder what this means for winter... even when there is snow on the ground, even when its super cold...he's going to want to go out. "Sure, kid, go, but mama's gonna stay where its nice and warm because I hate the cold!" I can just see it. But of course, I'll go with him because it will make him happy and well, its safer that way!

I have no idea what he is looking at but clearly he is shocked.

Whenever he makes this face it just looks like he's disgusted (to me anyway), but he's not. He's just so excited he cannot contain himself. =)

Watching a car drive by while playing with leaves, of course.

So, the cold is worth it. It always will be because it makes him so happy!

An untold story: my tattoo

2011-10-17T08:35:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you've noticed the cross tattooed on my wrist, but I want to share the story behind it because it has meaning... deep, personal meaning.

I got this tattoo the summer before my junior year of college. I had always wanted a tattoo, but wanted something that had meaning. Why the cross? Why my wrist? Well, I must go back a bit in my life to tell you. I had struggled with depression for a long time. It started in 6th grade for many reasons. I struggled with my feelings towards my dad because of my parents divorce and because he wasn't a huge part of my life. I had lost a friend years before and my best friend had just moved that summer. I also had my first heartbreak...whatever that may look like for a little girl. All these things were really hard for me to deal with at such a young age. I often found myself lying in the bottom of the bunk bed my sister and I shared... just crying.

My depression only got worse as I got older. I got into relationships I shouldn't have, that caused great harm. I struggled with relationships in my family. I look back on it now and there are times that I wonder what was really wrong with me. I didn't understand my depression - why was I so depressed? It was really awful.

I started cutting myself in 6th grade and it only got worse as I got older. I didn't know how to deal with my emotions, so I did the only thing I felt I could do and that was take a razor blade to my wrist. This caused a lot of pain to a lot of people. I continued to do this to myself in college... even though I had people to talk to.

One day I just woke up and was sick of it all. I didn't want to cut myself anymore. It was getting me nowhere. I had to make the choice to stop. Was it easy? No, because sometimes I really wanted to do it, sometimes I would go into the bathroom and hold it to my wrist and sometimes I'd fail. But I decided I was done with it... that I was really going to beat this problem.

That is where this cross comes into play. I got it put on my left wrist because thats the one I cut. No, I don't have huge gashes or huge scars, which I am thankful for. I am thankful that I would only cut through the top layer...that I didn't go any deeper. I knew a cross was the right choice because whenever I felt the need to cut I could look at it and remember that I do have someone there for me.

God is there. He always has been and always will be.

He understood my depression and what caused it.

He understood what I didn't.

He made me realize hurting myself wasn't the way.

He is the way though... the way to healing.

I'm so thankful for that. I'm so thankful that God helped me through the hard times.

God is so good!

Two of his favorite things

2011-10-16T13:21:00.000-07:00

The kitty and looking outside.

It's the little things: New things, wall art, visit from a friend, and ten thousand villages

2011-10-14T16:34:00.000-07:00

This weeks been a good one. Especially today =)

Braden decided he wanted to help grandma do laundry.

I love how curious he is...

Started digging around in the dryer and shaking clothes just like grandma.

I saw something like this on pinterest and knew I wanted to do it!

The first thing I've actually done that I pinned. Yes, I am proud.

Of course the other one actually looks more heart shaped.

I just love looking at this wall and seeing people I love.

This is my friend LynAnne. She has been in Cambodia for a whole year, so this was the first time she got to meet our little one. I was so happy! They seemed to like each other!

We got to hang out all day. I picked her up from the bus stop, we went for coffee, to ten thousand villages, had lunch, went to the park, and just had a good time catching up on one another's lives!

Definitely the best part of this week!

This is what I bought at ten thousand villages: chocolate and flower pins for my hair.

Have you ever been? If not, GO!

Its all fair trade stuff.

LynAnne knows a lot of people from Cambodia who actually made stuff in the store.

Cool huh?

Cool to us anyway.

Happy Friday! What blessed your week!

I {heart} red

2011-10-13T11:20:00.000-07:00

Time to link up with Gussy sews for more inspiration.

Todays prompt is the color red.

Just so happens to be one of my favorite colors!

Here are a few things I wouldn't mind having in red:

This necklace is just fabulous. I know its one I'd find myself wearing over and over again.

Love this wrap dress. You can never go wrong with black and red!

I'm not sure if I could pull these heels off, but aren't the bows so great?!?!

I'm obsessed with ways to organize my jewelry.

This red frame is perfect and I could do this myself, so that is even better!

These shoes are just precious. Cute with a skirt or pants.

The lace socks are cute too!

::all pics via pinterest::

"I love leaves mama!"

2011-10-12T13:46:00.000-07:00

I go a little picture crazy, but I figure this is my blog, so that's okay!

Longing for

2011-10-10T12:56:00.000-07:00

I'm exhausted in every possible way I could possibly be.
Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually.

I need...
a vacation
wide open spaces and fresh air
a place to just sit and be
release from all this stress
just my husband, my baby, and me

:: via pinterest::

California, you cannot come soon enough!

Picture overload at the arboretum

2011-10-09T17:48:00.000-07:00

Braden's first Pumpkin Patch

2011-10-08T12:28:00.000-07:00

It's the little things: Family time, hats, and more!

2011-10-07T07:58:00.000-07:00

This week has been full of blessings! I know I don't deserve the blessings that God sends my way, but I am so thankful for even the smallest of things!

We spend a lot of time at the park. Its one of my favorite places to go with my family.

Braden just loves it. We pop him in his stroller and just go. He's so quiet because he's so captivated by it all. He kept on looking over at the swing, so we decided to give him some time in the swing. He loved it. Makes us happy too!

He looks so stinkin' cute in hats, but boy does he hate them! It lasted longer than I thought it would, but I knew it wouldn't stay on the whole time!

Other blessings:

My grandparents church had a garage sale

and I got a good amount of stuff, all of which my grandma paid for.

My MIL had a garage sale and came home with a box of clothes for Braden!

It was so great considering he was pretty low on clothes he could wear now.

Having dinner with a good friend from college and her husband.

Later on in the week getting to have a good texting convo with her.

It was probably the biggest blessing of all!

Playdates. They leave me refreshed every time!

Walks. We've went on multiple this week because it has been so beautiful.

I love walks with my husband and son after he gets home from work

and also walks with my friend Sarah a few mornings during the week!